12. Incident #6: Facebook Friend Request

Kevin and I used to play in mölkky tournaments around Belgium and in the north of France. We called our team “Novalike” (a mash up of letters from both of our names) and we created a joint Facebook account for our team.

Kevin was so hypocritical in that he always bragged about not having Facebook yet he was on our joint Facebook account 24 hours a days. Literally. He never logged off and was always sitting in front of his computer with Facebook logged on. Then he would brag to the world about how he didn’t have Facebook. This is one of many examples how his words and actions did not match, and there are many more examples to come.

One of the competitors of the game, Patrick, who we used to play against in tournaments added me as a friend on my personal Facebook account. I was on holiday in Stockholm with a friend of mine at the time when I accepted this friend request. Kevin discovered this through our joint Facebook account and immediately started calling and texting me non-stop, questioning me about this new Facebook friend, accusing me of sleeping with Patrick, suggesting that I was doing things behind his back. This man was not a stranger. He was a fellow competitor of the game whom both Kevin and I knew. Kevin didn’t even care that he was ruining my holiday. These people don’t like to see us happy. They will do whatever it takes to destroy our happiness. I decided to stop responding to his texts and ignore his phone calls. I was on a boat at the time and I wanted to focus on my holiday. When he realised that I was not responding to him anymore, that was when he started to soften his tone. He wanted me to speak to him then and there. He did not want to wait for a time and place more convenient for me. It was all about him. Always.

When I got back from Stockholm, I went onto our joint Facebook account to see what was new. I then noticed in the Facebook search history that he had searched for one of his ex-girlfriends on the day he got angry with me because of the friend request. There are two reason why he would have searched her up:

  1. He was not over her.
  2. It was just a passing thought – which is normal and something we all experience.

However, neither of those reasons were what got me upset. I was upset because he got so angry at me for accepting the Facebook friend request of a man I know and was accusing me of sleeping with this man when on the exact same day, he was searching up his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I found this so unbalanced and so double standard.

When I confronted him about this, he said that it was because his ex-girlfriend had texted him saying, “I thought that you weren’t on Facebook”. He said that he replied by saying, “Well, as you can see, I’m with someone else”. I knew that he was lying but I didn’t say anything. He was a pathological liar throughout the relationship and whenever I told him that, he would say that I was always insulting him. But it wasn’t insulting, it was the truth. I knew that he was lying because, first, it was a pathetic excuse. Second, how would his ex-girlfriend know that he was on Facebook as the name was “Novalike Mölkky” and it didn’t contain any of our full names? Third, the way he said it, he stumbled as if he were quickly trying to find something to say to save himself. And fourth, when I brought this whole incident up again a few weeks later (I was bringing up the issue of double standards), his story changed. He said that it was because he had received a missed call from Lithuania (which is where she’s from) and so thought it was her. Then he said that he realised that it was not her but the man she was with going through her phone and trying to control her. There were so many inconsistencies! A few weeks back, he was saying that his ex-girlfriend texted him, then he changed it to that she was calling him and he didn’t answer the phone. Then he said that he realised it was the man who she was with going through her phone and calling him. And how would Kevin know that if he didn’t answer the phone? Calling him out on his lies was completely pointless as he would do whatever it took to divert the issue and then get angry at me, no matter how irrational and illogical his explanation was and how stupid it made him look. He was persistent to never take responsibility and I always gave in for the sake of keeping the peace.

He is a sick, sick pathological liar with strong double standards. And really, he was just projecting his controlling behaviour onto the person his ex-girlfriend is with. He was a hypocritical, little man who hated his own behaviour and would project it onto anyone so that he could condemn it. His own irrationality made him look exceptionally stupid, nevertheless, he would rather that than admit to his faults.

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