14. My Opinions

I was not allowed to have any of my own opinions unless they agreed with Kevin’s.  For example, one evening we were having a discussion about the use of “Ms”. His opinion was that women should not hide their marital status whereas my opinion was that women can choose whatever title they want. But that was his opinion and I respected that. I thought we were just having a healthy debate. However, it was far from that. He was beginning to get angry at me because I was not agreeing with his opinion. And to be honest, I could not understand where his argument was coming from. It was going around in circles. He was saying something about how men never hide their partners from people so a woman should not hide her partner from people through her title, even though it was perfectly ok to keep the use of “Mr” regardless of whether the man is married or not. Yet, women can only use “Miss” or “Mrs”, but not “Ms”. It was quite contradicting and I couldn’t really understand where he was coming from. And it was quite strange of him to say that men never hide their partners from people when that is definitely not always the case for both men and women. Ironically, having multiple affairs was exactly what he was doing, as I had come to learn in 2017 (Chapter 93). I also felt that perhaps he was also warning me not to do the same.

I came out of this “discussion” not feeling like I had had a healthy discussion, but rather like I had just been attacked. I felt drained. He was also rather shocked when I revealed to him that I referred to myself as “Ms”. For a second, he didn’t know what to say.

When we were talking about the refugee crisis in Europe at the time, he was very anti-refugee whereas I had more sympathy for the refugees. I still accepted his opinion as his, but whenever I defended the refugees, he would get angry and become offensive. I began to become quite afraid of expressing my own opinions. Every time we went out and saw refugees, he always had to say something patronising about them, like, “Poor things, they’re not really suffering – they’re just here to steal from us”, when it was Kevin who was the real thief (Chapters 19, 20 and 21). However, I always felt this ambient pressure of being forced to agree with him or else I’d risk being shouted at.

He hated Muslims. Yet whenever I called him racist, he would get so defensive and express shock at how I could have said such a thing. When I told him that I have Muslim friends who are good people, he pretended that he didn’t hear it. He also didn’t like Chinese people but never admitted to it. He had selective hearing, even though he would be the one accusing me of having selective hearing. He always projected everything he was doing onto me. In fact, he hated all immigrants that were not white. But then he would say things like he liked Chinese people because they were hard workers. I believe he only said this to hide his racist personality. It also made me wonder why he was with me as I am half Taiwanese.

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