Kevin claimed to be in a lot of financial trouble because he said he had a lot of financial responsibilities which included paying off his car loan and paying for his father’s medical bills. I don’t know if this is true of not. I now realise that nothing he ever said can be believed 100%. He was a pathological liar.
Although he claimed to have to these financial responsibilities, from what I observed, he was also very irresponsible with money. I tried calculating his finances for him in attempt to help him manage his finances, but it was very difficult as he was not very clear about his financial situation even though he was talking about it all the time.
By my calculations, I don’t think his money issues should have been that bad if he was financially responsible. And I don’t understand how he did not have any savings from before. During the time I had known him, he had a full-time job without having to pay social security and taxes. He was a freelance until March 2016 when he was given a salary contract, but he claimed he was getting paid less on a salary contract. A salary of €1300. But he accepted this contract. Either way, he did not have to pay social security or taxes although he should have when he was on a freelance contract. This was because he was still registered as a resident in France for the reason that he just did not want to be registered as a resident in Belgium. Plain and simple. He was always illegal and/or always in trouble with the law. So not only was he on a full-time contract with which he did not have to pay social security and taxes, he was also teaching on Skype for 1.5 hours every evening except for Sundays. And he was also teaching two external students (which he had stolen from the school) on the side every week. And he did not even have to pay rent or bills! So I don’t know where his money was going to.
He constantly bought things he did not need. He was a compulsive buyer which he even admitted to me before we went on our first date. When he bought things, he was like a spoilt toddler in that he would play with his new toy for one day then throw it on the floor and never touch it again. Literally throw it on the floor. His floor was covered in stuff.
He could also never pay his bills on time, consequently incurring fines, which he always blamed others for. It was always his bank’s fault, his insurance company’s fault, Belgium’s fault. But nothing was ever his fault. And that is another trait of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: they never take responsibility for their own actions. His bank had had enough of him and his insurance company did not want him anymore. But he never wondered why. He just blamed them.
He always had excuses for his spending. His main excuse was that he still had to have a life. He still had to continue living his life or else he’d go crazy. Well, he was already crazy. When I suggested that he sell his car, he said that his car was his only escape back to France. I said that there are buses and trains and if he needed to go to the supermarket, he was allowed to use the company car. His response was that the price of taking public transport was the same price as owning his car, which is not true. He was only finding excuses to not have to make any changes in his lifestyle. He did not understand the concept of “living within your means”.
He was always in debt throughout the time I had known him. As soon as he was above zero again, he would keep spending until he reached the point where his bank would block his card, which was a regular occurrence. He never kept track of the amount in his bank account. The overdraw limit of his bank card is €150 before it blocks. Accidentally falling a little bit below zero is one thing, but to be €150 below zero without knowing is by far irresponsible, especially when it happened on a regular basis. And often it would be as much as €800 below zero as he often paid by cheque which would bounce and he would subsequently incur fines.
Sometimes I had to come to his rescue in the petrol station or in the supermarket when his card blocked. And every time I helped pay for him because his card had blocked, not once did he ever say “thank you” or even offered to pay me back. Never. Instead, he continued shouting at me whenever he felt that I deserved it. He never showed any gratitude for anything I had ever done for him. I also realise that he always wanted us to go shopping together which I now believe was so that he could use my money.
There was one occasion when he strangely offered to pay for my groceries and I thought, “Well ok, since you have so much of my money anyway”. He did anticipate that his card would block that day but that never crossed my mind. It was when he tried to pay by card that it declined so in the end, I paid for both of our groceries. Now when I think about it, he really is a sick, malignant being who was just trying to trick me into paying for his groceries. When I paid for the groceries, he did not say thank you, he did not offer to pay me back, and he continued to not show me any appreciation for anything I had done for him. His plan is so clear now: he offered to pay for my groceries to come across as nice and generous when in fact he knew all along that his card was going to block, and so that when his card did block, I would have to pay for everything for if I did not, he would say that I was being selfish considering he offered to pay for both of our groceries in the first place. This was emotional manipulation.
And also, he did not need to buy as much groceries as he did since most of the meals were provided by the school and we also had leftovers. And a lot of his groceries would end up going to waste as they ended up going off before he had decided to eat them, if he ever remembered. He had a lot of food that had long past their expiry dates in his section of the fridge.
Within a month or two of the relationship, he was emptying out his empty pockets in front of me saying how he had no money and that he had to pay his car loan and his father’s medical bills and that he felt stuck and had no idea what to do, like he was the biggest victim in the universe. He was doing this to me every day and he really made me feel guilty and so sorry for him. I was feeling his burden on me. So I stupidly offered him €500, enough to get him back above zero again. Even though I did voluntarily offer the money, he did say that he would pay me back. However, after that, he never mentioned it again and nor did he show any gratitude. I gave him the €500 in cash as I was being paid in cash at that time as I had not opened a Belgian bank account yet. But even the way he treated the money was unappreciative. For days, the money was just sitting on the table with all his other mess. I thought he needed the money urgently. I was so tempted to just take the money back, but I did not. Now I feel stupid. I can clearly see that it was tactic he used to make me feel sorry for him so that I would offer him money. It really shocks me that his malicious intent right from the beginning of the relationship was to use me and destroy me. I never imagined that he could have been this evil.
I also don’t believe that he had to pay for his father’s medical bills. Actually to be honest, I don’t know what he was and was not paying for. His mouth was so full of shit. Looking back, I don’t even know if it was true that he had no money. Maybe he did and maybe he just wanted to destroy me. It’s hard to believe that someone’s main goal is to destroy someone else. But I’ve come to accept that that was his intent: to destroy the lives of anyone he became intimate with because of his pathological envy and insecurity. But as I was saying, I don’t believe he was paying his father’s medical bills for a few reasons. First, every time he had a large bill to pay, he would always make a big deal of it. But after I gave him the €500, he never mentioned having to pay for his father’s bills again. His father is in a retirement home with dementia. Whenever I asked him how much his father’s medical bills were, he could never give me a clear answer. He always said, “It depends”. When I persisted to know, he would say it was “about” €700 every three months – but he was not really clear. I also thought that in France, his father would have probably been covered by some sort of social security. Or maybe his father was never in a retirement home after all! We can never know. I think Kevin was just using his father to garner sympathy and make himself look like such a caring individual. A man with the biggest heart on the planet. Every time he went to France to see his father, all the messages he would send me were always messages trying to garner sympathy about his father’s condition, and admiration about how he was such a wonderful person being the only sibling in the family helping his father (Chapter 81). Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. We can never know what to believe with these pathological liars.
Over the Christmas holidays, he asked me for a loan of €600 because he was in debt again. He said that as soon as the school opened after the Christmas holidays, he would ask for an advanced payment and pay me back the money immediately, so I transferred him €600. As soon as he received the money, he went silent and never paid me back. When I asked him about it, he denied ever promising to pay me back when the school reopened. Just lies, manipulation, gaslighting… everything! Even if he had forgotten that he had said that, it was still his responsibility and basic manners to pay me back. Instead, by denying that he had said that, he was just implying that paying me back was not his duty and that he did not have to if he did not want to. It’s hard to put this into words. But he seemed to feel entitled to my money and he never had any intentions to pay me back.
At about the same time, his laptop broke and he wanted to buy a new laptop so he turned to me. It was quite sick how he would sweet talk me like a little child when he wanted something, and then spit on me after he got it. Yet when I said this to him, he would always deny ever sweet talking saying that it was not something he does. These people are impossible to talk to as they deny the truth and make up stories. No matter how obvious the truth is, they will persistently deny it. I bought the laptop directly and recorded how much he owed me: €1108.15. I feel so stupid. I don’t know why I bought the laptop for him. He was already treating me so badly at this point and I knew that if I bought the laptop for him, he would spend all his time on the laptop and ignore me, which he was already doing all the time. Yet I still bought the laptop for him. And just as I had predicted, after I had bought him the laptop, he was back to his old ways again and treating me badly. And he never spoke of the money again (unless I brought it up).
Whenever I confronted him about the money, he would get angry and say that he did not have any money to pay me back and that I was not being understanding of his situation. But for me, it was not so much about the money. It was about principle and honesty. This really shocked me because I never expected that I would fall into a relationship in which I could not trust that person financially. I really thought that he had good intentions and I only wanted to help him.
I called him a thief a few times, and each time I did, he would look at me in shock as if how could I say such a thing and exclaim, “Wow, do you even hear what you are saying?”. He wanted to make me doubt myself. But the fact is, he really is a thief!!
Not only did he borrow money from me, but he had loans with his bank of €1500, he was always asking for advanced payment from work, and he even had the face to ask a student of his, Michael, to lend him €800. Unfortunately, Michael won’t be seeing that money again because he said that Kevin could just pay him back in French lessons. Just like me, Michael was blind to Kevin’s true self. Kevin was always in the habit of borrowing money. While I was in Spain, he told me that everyone was going out for dinner but that he was not going to go because he had no money. Later on, he then said that William, his friend and pedagogical director of the school in Belgium, had offered to lend him some money to pay for dinner so Kevin decided to go. At that time, he was already in so much debt with me, his bank and his student and he still continued to borrow more money. I told him that he should not have the habit of borrowing money, especially as he was in great debt, but he always had an excuse for everything. His excuse this time was that he was so stressed and he needed a life and that going out for dinner would do him good.
The only time he ever checked his bank account was when he was expecting to get paid. Sometimes when he checked his bank account after expecting to get paid, he would look so shocked and exclaim,
“Wait a minute! The school only paid me €300. That’s not ok!”
In fact, it was because he had asked for so much payment in advance that the remainder of his salary was €300. Other times, he would exclaim that the school hadn’t paid him when in fact they did pay him but he was already in debt, and the amount he was paid was enough to bring him back up to zero.