21. Spain And More Financial Losses

And that was not all the money I had lost…

Throughout 2015, Kevin was looking for a new job. A job that would pay him more because according to him, his current salary was not enough for all the financial responsibilities he claimed to have. God only knows how much of the shit that came out of his mouth was true. In August 2015, he was offered a job as a French and English teacher at a language school in Spain. He asked the director of the school in Spain, Claude, if they had any positions available for me so that I could move to Spain with him. Claude said that there was a position available but it was only part-time. I was not keen on moving anyway, especially for a part-time job so we declined the offers.

As time went by, I could see how miserable he was and he was projecting his misery onto me. No matter how much I tried to make him happy, he would make me unhappy and feeling drained instead. Now when I think back, it was like he deliberately wanted to make me unhappy. He wanted to destroy me. In November of that year, I said to him, “Ok, let’s go to Spain. If it will improve your mood and your life, then let’s go to Spain”. So we called Claude to ask if the positions were still available and he said that there was a part-time position available for me in January 2016 and a full-time position for him in March. Kevin couldn’t come any earlier anyway as he apparently had to pay off social security which he had not paid off years ago – about €2000, which does not make sense as he had said that he was never a Belgian resident. I never really understood what was going on. But anyway, we accepted the offers for me to start in January and him to start in March.

However, I had a really bad feeling about it. Something was telling me that is was not good. I really did not want to move. In December, while I was at my mother’s for Christmas, I told Kevin over the phone that I did not want to go to Spain. He exploded. He screamed at me over the phone and called me a “selfish, capricious little girl”. I said that if he wanted to go to Spain, he could go and that I was not stopping him. But he ignored me and continued to yell at me. I cried so much that night. I kept asking myself how he could shout at and be so condescending to someone he claimed to love. The next day over Skype, he started sweet talking me about moving to Spain. In fact, he did not even try to convince me. He assumed that I still intended to go to Spain and that I did not mean what I had said. He did not even apologise for shouting at me. He never apologised for anything he ever did because he believed that nothing was ever his fault. He would go as far as blaming a whole country for his problems. In the end, I still ended up going to Spain in January.

When I arrived in Spain, my gut instincts were right. Claude had been very dishonest (but that’s a whole different story). One of the many things Claude was dishonest about was that there was never a position for Kevin in March, which was not the agreement (albeit verbal). Claude had said that he could offer Kevin a part-time position, but full-time was out of the question. Kevin, however, did not want a part-time position, so in the end, he did not come.

I tried to be understanding about Kevin’s finances and why he couldn’t come. But what I couldn’t understand was that when I said that I did not want to come, he called me a “selfish, capricious little girl”, yet when he did not come, he said that he was being “pragmatic” and that I was not understanding of his financial situation and always pointing the blame at him. I was as understanding as I could be about his financial situation, which was why I had moved to Spain. I did not do it for me. Rather, he was the one not being understanding about my financial situation. He did not even consider that I had moved solely for him and that I had spent so much on moving, all for him. He did not consider my finances, that I had to pay rent and bills all on my own on a part-time salary. He did not even bother to ask me how much everything had costed which to me raises two issues: dishonesty and that he just did not care. He kept completely silent on the financial aspect of things. I had to pay for all the rent, bond, bills, travel, sending boxes, buying household appliances for two people, etc, even though it was his idea to find a new job in the first place. He couldn’t give a rat’s arse about my side of things. He only cared about his own situation and his own finances. He showed no appreciation for anything that I had done for him. I moved to a whole new country for him and he did not even say thank you for what I had done. Instead, he kept saying that it was not his fault that Claude had lied about the job in March. All he ever did was deny anything ever being his fault. He was just taking me and my money for granted and using me. He was the selfish one by showing no regard to my hard-earned money. Just because he couldn’t manage his own money did not mean that my money was at his disposal.

What upset me the most was not the money, but that he never showed any appreciation for what I had done for him. Instead, all I got was verbal abuse, all the blame, and that I was the one with the problem. Whenever I talked to him about this situation, he would yell at me and say that I was always criticising him and make it sound like he had done nothing wrong – like his debts gave him entitlement. He never took any responsibility for any of his actions. He always twisted the blame onto either Claude for not offering him a full-time job like he said he would, or onto me by saying that it was my decision to move to Spain when I said let’s go to Spain because I could see how miserable he was. He showed absolutely no gratitude. He was a spoilt, little toddler. He believed he was entitled. But he was entitled to nothing. Absolutely nothing.

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