36. Defending Myself

Not only did Kevin not defend me, but he also denied me my right to defend myself. I have the right to defend myself, just as every living creature on this planet does. I am not the type of woman that will let people take advantage of me and treat me unfairly. Kevin is the first person I have ever come across who has told me not to defend myself saying that there’s no point as people don’t change and that nothing I can do can make them change. I have been told all my life to stand up for myself otherwise people would take advantage of me. And often, it takes me quite a lot of courage. Then I met Kevin who told me not to stand up for myself, subsequently making me doubt myself. He was gaslighting me as I started to question whether or not standing up for myself was the normal thing to do. He told me not to stand up for myself when I was being cheated my salary by Claude in Spain. What sort of advice is that? If people don’t stand up for themselves, cheaters become an accepted part of society and they get away with everything. If nobody interferes, then who will? Kevin said that if I wanted to change society, then I should “become a politician”. So that implies that I’m a nobody. I have always been a nobody to him. Perhaps this was another one of his manipulations so that he could continue treating me the way he did without having to deal with my sticking up for myself. He wanted to abuse me without me defending myself. He was trying to make me believe that defending myself was wrong. It was his dream for me to be submissive. It would have made his abuse so much easier. He succeeded. He made me doubt myself, my decisions and my actions. But I still always stood up to him, and that was how arguments, which he always blamed me for, started.

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