37. Double Standards

Kevin’s double standards were constant throughout this relationship and are present in the many examples I present in this journal. The biggest double standard was the difference between his interactions and my interactions with people. He was allowed to talk to whoever he wanted about whatever he wanted, yet if I said something, did something, or spoke to someone he did not like, he would yell at me. He would spend late nights in Anna and Michelle’s room drinking and chatting, but I know that if I did that with my male friends, he would have created drama. There were many incidents, including the incidents with Maxim (Chapter 10) and the dinner with Andrea (Chapter 15) that portray the double standards. He could share whatever he wanted with anyone, including the secret about me moving to Spain to Michelle but when I shared it to Kayden, Kevin immediately speculated that there was some secret relationship going on between Kayden and me. Kevin did not want me to be close to anyone. He wanted to isolate me. He and Michelle appeared to have shared a lot of secrets including her private gynaecology problems yet he would freak out when I received text messages at 10 o’clock at night and I would have to tell him who the text messages were from and what they were about.

He was also always keeping me waiting for everything but I couldn’t keep him waiting, like the time I was not at the door to meet him (Chapter 4). Sometimes, he would talk to other female colleagues for a really long time, which I did not have a problem with. But if I ever did the same with a male colleague, he would yell at me and tell me how inappropriate it was. Basically, he was allowed to talk to anyone about anything, but I was not. He believed he was entitled.

Whenever I confronted him about his double standards, his reaction was exactly the same each time,

“Awww, double standards, your favourite word.”

He was so patronising. He never took my thoughts or feelings seriously. He didn’t care.

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