38. Lies

I have come to learn that Kevin was a pathological liar. Every time his mouth was open, that was when he was lying. His words were nothing more than verbal diarrhoea. He would even lie for the pettiest of things; issues that weren’t even worth lying about. He complained about how difficult his life was, but I reckon, if he did not lie so much, he may have realised that life is actually easier. Regardless, he couldn’t help but lie.

A lot of his lies have already been explained in this journal in various incidents. The thing about narcissistic traits is that they don’t occur separately, but rather, they all overlap and are interlinked.

When I look back on this relationship, I now realise that I don’t know what to believe. Everything that ever came out of his mouth was questionable. From not having any money, to being the only one paying for his father’s medical bills, to him claiming that his siblings are crazy and abandoned their father, to him claiming to be a stillborn baby. In the latter instance, I don’t believe that he was a stillborn baby. He said it in a way to imply that he was God’s gift to Earth…! He was nothing more than a desperate attention seeker. To come to the realisation that the whole relationship was based on lies is really quite sickening. And when I questioned his lies, he would project it right around and accuse me of being the one lying. In fact, right from the beginning of the relationship, he had questioned me about not being truthful. From things like saying “I love you” to asking me what I was thinking about, he would accuse me of lying. I always put it down to him being extremely insecure. But really, he could only project what he was aware of in himself – and lying was something he was very well aware of in himself.

At the beginning of the relationship, Kevin once told me out of the blue, “My eyes can’t lie”. Come to think of it, why would anybody say that? I believe he was already conditioning me to ensure that I believed that he was incapable of lying and that I would believe all the bullshit that came out of his mouth. This was so that I would not confront him with his lies. It was his way of silencing me.

Kevin even made me lie for small things. I wanted to teach another teacher, Tamara, English as she was teaching me French for free. However, Kevin told me to keep it a secret as it was not allowed in the school. Thinking back, there was no reason to keep it a secret, but he managed to control me in my decisions. I could have just asked William if I could teach Tamara. I don’t believe that my request would have been denied as Tamara was giving free French lessons to all the teachers of the school whose first language was not French.

The fact that Kevin lied constantly makes me even wonder whether he is who he says he is. I believe his name, age and identity as I have seen his passport and other identity documents. But everything else, I can never be certain. He has gaps in his life from the last fifteen years. I don’t even know whether he has the qualifications he said he has. He said all his qualifications were in his father’s house in France. But now that his father’s house has apparently been reclaimed by the government, everything inside has been cleared including all his important documents. I question why he has been living and working in Belgium for six years, his room is filled with stuff (most of it treated as junk), but he had never thought of bringing his important documents with him. Perhaps these qualifications don’t exist? Perhaps his history is not as he says it is? I know the school in Belgium has never asked for proof of qualifications as they never asked me for mine. His whole life is questionable. His mouth stank of lies and manipulations. He was in the habit of lying and lying was normal to him.

I also came to think that after the end of the relationship, if he could so easily run away from his financial debts with me without remorse, then he would be perfectly capable of doing the same with his other financial debts. Why did he not? Did he really have the financial debts he claimed to have?

He had no good qualities in him in that he had to go to the extent to lie about his own skills. He said he played the guitar and the harp. He should have rephrased it to: he owns a guitar and a harp. He couldn’t play the guitar or the harp for his life. And because I am a qualified musician, he avoided having to play them by coming up with excuses such as that he was out of touch or that his strings needed replacing. I remember William once suggested that Kevin and I play a duet. I was thinking quietly to myself that it was not possible as Kevin could not play. He must have talked himself up to everyone to get them to believe that he could play music.

Another time I caught Kevin out in his lies was when I was upset again over something he did and he was trying to profess to me how much he loved me and all that bullshit. He said he loved me so much and that was why he wanted to take me to Brittany, France because it was such a special place to him and he would only take the girl of his dreams to Brittany. He said he had never taken a girl to Brittany before and that was to show how special I was to him. That was an outright lie. I knew he had taken an ex-girlfriend of his to Brittany before as I had seen a video of a picture montage of their time in Brittany (and he had also known that I had seen the video – he just forgot). I saw the video when he sent me a link to a video montage of his mother from his Daily Motion account. I had a look at some of the other videos in his account and saw the one with his ex-girlfriend. I wonder if he did that deliberately. I feel like throughout the relationship, he would do things to try to provoke jealousy in me, or at least a reaction that would come across as jealous. I was not usually jealous – I was more often angry at the double standards that he had imposed. When I told him outright that what he said about not having ever taken another girl to Brittany before was a lie, his reaction was, “Well, except one”. He couldn’t really say much as he knew I had seen the video. But he looked really stupid when he realised I had caught him out in his lie.

He spoke so ill of his siblings and how they were crazy that now when I think back, he was only projecting his sickness onto them. They were probably sick of dealing with him. Yet he made himself out to be the poor victim. Considering everything that ever came out of his mouth were lies, not a single word ever spoken by him can be taken seriously. Not even what he says he had for breakfast. One day, he randomly told me that he had started a Master’s degree but never completed it – but I don’t believe it. He would not have been able to afford it, he was too lazy and I don’t know when in his life he could have done it. Perhaps he was feeling insecure about my pursuits for a Master’s degree. My point is – I cannot believe a single word from this relationship, no matter how significant or insignificant.

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