45. Manipulation Of Language

I noticed that Kevin often used words in the wrong sense in English. I put it down to English not being his mother tongue. However, these words that he used in the wrong sense in English were words that were very similar in French. For example, he kept saying that I was always nervous. I believed that what he was trying to say was that I was always stressed. But the word “nervous” is not too different from the word in French, “nerveux”. Whenever I corrected his incorrect use of certain words, he would acknowledge it then ignore it. His level of English is very high (a C2 standard based on the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages) and he also teaches English. Perhaps he was choosing these words deliberately – for what purpose, I don’t know. Perhaps because he thought he could to make him feel powerful in a way that he could even control the meaning of words. Perhaps it was another form of his gaslighting.

Early on in the relationship, I also told him that I had told Andrea that we were dating. He questioned why I had used the term “dating” as to him it meant that we weren’t serious. This created some confusion in me but I ignored it.

One occasion, we had gone out for dinner with William and Michelle. The topic of the conversation diverted to the mother of a student. It was mostly William and Kevin engaging in the conversation as they were talking about how stunning this mother was. Kevin then blurted out that he would have loved to have taught that student and not just because of the mother. I was not offended by what was said at the table. I was offended that Kevin believed he was entitled to make such remarks yet if it had been me who had made those remarks, he would have blown up at me (in private of course). He would have blown up at me not even for that, but just for making a decent compliment about a man. When I confronted Kevin about it, he said that I misinterpreted. However, knowing him and how he has changed the definition of many words with me, I believe this was all part of his gaslighting and messing with my mind.

Even his definition of love was distorted. He constantly told me that he loved me but his actions showed otherwise. This was extremely confusing and created gave me so much cognitive dissonance. I now understand that whenever he said, “I love you”, what he really meant was, “I want to use you” and “I love how you benefit me”. I often told him that his behaviour did not reflect love. His response was always, “We argue because we love each other. We argue because we care”. He was pathetic and fucked up. He could bullshit his way to anything.

He also always used the words “war” and “enemy”. He said that we were always at war and that I always saw him as the enemy. I would never have used such words to describe the situation between us but he always referred to it as that. And since researching about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I have learnt that many narcissists use these exact same words and that they use these words because their views are so extreme and they are at a point where they feel like they cannot control their victims so they call it a war.

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