5. Incident #3: The First Restaurant Incident

One weekend we went for a day trip to Nancy, France and decided to stop in a restaurant for lunch. We had a pizza each but I found my pizza too big to finish so I told Kevin that I was going to ask for a box to take it away in. He said not to as I would have to carry it around with me to which I responded that I didn’t mind. I was happy carrying it around so I went ahead and asked the waitress for a box to carry it away in. As soon as the waitress left, he snapped at me,

“What the fuck are you doing? I told you not to take it away.”

The couple on the table next to us turned and looked at us. It was so embarrassing.

Kevin had no right and no entitlement to dictate to me what I could or could not do. And also, it was only pizza! I did not think that it was anything to get mad over, especially as I had paid for it and I did not want to waste it.

After we left the restaurant, I was still quite upset over what had just happened and I showed that to him. He, on the other hand, seemed to have moved on as if nothing had happened. He could see that I was upset and exclaimed to me, “What now!?” I told him that there was no reason for him to have reacted the way he did. Then he twisted it around and projected the situation back onto me saying,

“Oh, so are you going to start arguing with me? Are you going to start another argument? You’re always starting arguments.”

I have the right to stand up for myself, but he took away that right of mine. He would do whatever he could to silence me. That was his dream. It was impossible to argue with him as he always twisted everything around and projected it back onto me. Eventually, I let it go for the sake of keeping the peace. Projection is also a common trait of narcissists. It is when an individual projects their own actions, thoughts, feelings and beliefs onto someone else.

Whenever we went out to eat with colleagues, it was common for us to take away unfinished food. Even he did it too. I think he just did not like me “disobeying” him. He wanted control over me. At least I had pizza for dinner that night. He didn’t.

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