57. Self-Centredness, Entitlement And Greed

The whole universe revolved around Kevin – or so he believed. This relationship was completely one-way. His needs always came before mine – in fact, my needs were non-existent. I was always waiting on him. Everything we did always revolved around when it was convenient for him. I spent most of the relationship waiting. Waiting for him to do this, do that, have a cigarette, etc. Every day, he would tell me to go to my room for ten minutes here and there because he had “things” to do. Skyping was always whenever it was convenient for him. He would cancel things with me last minute without apologising. He believed he was entitled to my time. When he was “teaching” at night (Chapter 47), my time revolved around his. If I ever said that I was not able to do something because the timing clashed with something else of mine, he would twist it around make it seem like he was the one who changed his mind because it was inconveniencing him. He hated it when I decided whether something was convenient for me or not. He wanted to be the one in control of all time. He wanted to feel empowered. Everything had to be on his terms. Ironically, he had the worst time management – and that was also why I spent so much time waiting on him.

When he was on the phone, he would tell me to leave his room, which made me wonder what he was hiding. Sometimes if he was on the phone and I was around, he would push me away quite rudely. One time, he was on the phone to his bank behind the canteen where he usually had a cigarette. I approached him when I saw him but I did not interrupt him or anything. Instead, he pushed me away with an irritated look on his face and walked further away behind the canteen. I deliberately followed him because I found that to be very rude. I did not stay for long and I signalled to him that I would be in my room. But the fact that he irritatingly pushed me away when I approached him really came across as very misogynistic in a way that he believed he was entitled to taking me for granted and that I was just an object at his disposal at his own convenience.

When it came to favours, he was reluctant to do any favours for me. His words were always positive about doing me favours, but when it came to acting on them, he was always reluctant. For example, when I asked him if he could take me to the commune to sort out my Belgian residence permit, I had to make several trips there and I needed him to drive me (as my car licence was not valid in Belgium). It was very difficult to get him to drive me there and that was partly why it took me so long to get my residence permit. Whenever I asked him to drive me to the commune, it could take him between one and two weeks to act on it. And it was the same issue when I needed to go to the bank to open a bank account and on another occasion, deposit some money into my account. I know that if it had been a colleague in my position, he would’ve acted on his or her request immediately. He was always trying to impress everyone else around him to get on their good side and to gain their trust. On the other hand, I was always doing him favours. Anything he requested, I would do whatever I could including financial favours, in which I lost a lot of money. I even moved to another country because of him. I know that I did too much and that I should not have done so much. That has been a huge learning curve for me and I will never repeat this mistake again. But that goes to show how he believed that the whole universe revolved around him and that he thought he was entitled. Always taking but never giving. He was an ignorant, heartless, unempathetic, selfish thief.

Every time we shared food, he always ate the most and never thought of saving me anything. He was selfish and greedy. He also wasted a lot of food. If we cooked something together, he would take more than he could eat and then throw the rest away. I found it quite insulting especially if it was when I had cooked the food. For me, I would put the food away and save it for later.

Whenever I mentioned personal things about my life, the only time he would show empathy was when he could relate to it, not because he cared about me. He only related to it because it was about him. He would twist the situation onto him to attract sympathy and attention. For example, one time, Dan sent me flowers (even though we weren’t together anymore); I was so nervous when I received the flowers because I did not know how Kevin would react. He looked quite miserable and as if he was going to blow up. I was trying to calm him down by saying things like the flowers did not mean anything to me. Luckily he never blew up but his mood strangely and quite suddenly changed and he said that he could understand Dan as he would have done the same with his ex-girlfriend. I feel like he was messing with me, keeping me on my toes all the time. First he made me afraid that he was going to lose his temper with me. Then he seemed to try to make me jealous – perhaps because the flowers had made him jealous. But overall, it came across as if he was relating it all back to himself. Everything always had to relate back to him because he needed attention.

Kevin believed he was entitled to opening my mail. When I was in Spain, he had opened a letter addressed to me. When we were on Skype, he showed me the letter and told me what it was about. I told him that he shouldn’t be opening my mail and that it was illegal. He said okay. However, that was not the last time he opened my mail. When I received my social security bills after I had left Belgium the second time, the school sent me an email with my bills scanned. I am certain that it was him who opened my mail and passed it onto the school. Whenever I told him not to do something, he would deliberately do the opposite. He enjoyed pushing my boundaries because he thrived off getting a reaction like a spoilt, little toddler. He believed he was entitled to do whatever he wanted to my belongings, time, money and information. He is not entitled to anyone’s belongings, time, money or information. He never will be.

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