3. Incident #1: The First Time He Lost His Temper With Me

Kevin was a very angry, bitter and resentful person although he didn’t always come across as that. Very soon into the relationship, it became obvious that there was always a negative ambience around him. It always felt like I was stepping on broken eggshells. Just being around him was draining my soul.

The first time he lost his temper with me was one month into the relationship. He was having a lot of problems that day, as he did every day. There was always something to complain about, and if there wasn’t, he would nevertheless still find something to complain about. On the day he first lost his temper with me, he was doing a lot of his so-called administrative stuff. Nothing seemed to be going well for him; he went to the post office and the post office was closed and he was angry at Belgium for that. It was these sorts of things where his reaction would be out of proportion with the “problem”. He got stressed very easily. That evening, he asked me to come down to his room whenever I was ready, so I did. Before I knocked on his door, I could hear that he was having an argument over the phone in Russian. I knocked on his door anyway. He opened the door a little bit and said, “I’m on the phone”, then slammed the door in my face. I felt it was extremely rude, entitled and misogynistic. All day I had tried to be supportive of him despite his miseries and imposing them onto me. Had it been me on the phone, I could never rudely slam the door into someone’s face for interrupting me, especially if it were someone I loved. So I went over to sit on the stairs to wait for him to finish his telephone argument. After he had finished, he came out and saw me sitting on the stairs and started shouting at me at the top of his voice,

“Why are you sitting on the stairs? You don’t sit on the stairs!”

This really shocked me as this was the first time any boyfriend had ever yelled at me in my life. I was crying so much and went up to my room. Later on, he came upstairs and realised that I was crying and tried to comfort me. Then I told him that I was only sitting on the stairs and did not deserve such a reaction. He started again, shouting at me and saying that it was my fault because I was sitting on the stairs. When I asked him why sitting on the stairs was wrong, his response was always, “You just don’t sit on the stairs”.

When Kevin yells, his face changes completely. His jaws clench, his eyes open really wide and his head lunges forward. It’s like he transforms into his defensive and attack modes. He is a completely different person.

I wanted to leave him then and there but I was afraid of the consequences of living and working in the same place. But looking back, I would have rather taken on any of the consequences than continue this “relationship”. It was just not worth it.


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