6. Incident #4: The Second Restaurant Incident

Another incident that happened in a restaurant took place when we were on a trip in Brittany, France in September 2015. We were driving to St. Malo and we decided to stop at a fast food restaurant for lunch.

We went and sat at a table while we were waiting for our food to be ready. There was a newspaper on the table we sat at and while we were waiting for our food, Kevin took the newspaper and started reading it. I just sat there watching him read the newspaper, deliberately looked bored. He saw me looking bored and impatiently exclaimed, “What!?”, to which I responded that reading a newspaper while at the table with another person was quite rude. A normal couple would be interested in talking with one another, not one half of the couple reading the newspaper while the other half just sitting there watching him read the newspaper. I found this experience very misogynistic in that it was like a man and a woman in the 1920s where the man would read the newspaper at the table and the woman would serve him. And I think that that was exactly what he expected from me. Kevin was definitely misogynistic but he always denied it and looked terribly shocked whenever I accused him of being sexist or misogynistic.

As soon as I told him that what he was doing was rude, he immediately slammed the newspaper onto the table and raised his voice to me saying,

“Everybody does it. There’s nothing wrong with reading the newspaper at the table. I can’t do anything around you.”

Again, he was twisting the situation and projecting the blame onto me, implying that I was controlling and oppressing him. And by saying that everyone does it, he was attempting to play with my mind by using triangulation.

I was very upset by his reaction and what he said. He could see that I was crying but instead he just kept stuffing his face angrily with his lunch not caring about how I was feeling. A normal person would never act so cold when they see another person in pain. According to him, it was all my fault. Everything was always my fault. When we left the restaurant, we continued driving but I was so upset I just could not stop crying in the car. Nevertheless, he continued with the abuse, telling me that it was my fault because I was controlling him and that I needed to control my emotions. He had absolutely no compassion. He always told me that I needed to control my emotions whenever I retaliated or got upset because of him. He wanted to silence me. He would use my reactions against me and tell me that I had issues. He wanted me to control my emotions because he did not want me to react to anything he had done. It would have made his life so much easier had I not expressed my emotions and my views. Once we reached St. Malo, his abuse kept continuing and I just could not stop crying. The more I cried, the stronger his abuse.

That was one of my earliest attempts to leave him. I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I told him I wanted to leave the relationship when we were in St. Malo yet I still felt so trapped. I was reliant on him as he was doing the driving and it was his car. And he kept telling me to control my emotions and wipe my tears so that we could continue the holiday, but at the same time, never accepting any responsibility on his part. He never apologised. No matter how I tried to explain my feelings to him, he refused to accept any responsibility. He never listened. And he would not accept it when I said that I wanted to leave the relationship. Those words always went over his head.

Now that I understand more about people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I have learnt that these people are physically incapable of feeling empathy and they will never ever take any responsibility for anything, no matter what. Nobody has the right to trap anybody from leaving a relationship either. It may be heart-breaking, but normal people will be able to let go and not keep another person trapped mentally, emotionally and physically.


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