61. Grocery Shopping With Him

When we did our grocery shopping, we used to go as a group with our colleagues. Sometimes I did not want to go because I did not need anything, but Kevin would keep pushing me to go with him so eventually it became a habit that every time he needed to go shopping, I’d tag along. At the supermarket, we would all do our individual shopping and then meet back afterwards at a specified time. When we became a couple, he wanted us to shop together when doing our grocery shopping. I was fine with that, I thought it was nice. We only shopped together but we still bought our groceries individually. However, increasingly over time, we were not really shopping together. It became more about me following him around while he was browsing the book section. We would only have forty-five minutes to do our shopping, which included paying for our groceries which sometimes could take a really long time when waiting in the queue. So I would leave him while he was browsing to get what I needed so as to not waste any time. Then when we met back up, he would say, “Why did you leave me? I thought we were going to do our shopping together”. I don’t think he ever understood the concept of “together”. “Together” is not following him around like a little puppy. I believe he had multiple agendas for wanting to go shopping “together”, including wanting to feel in power by having me follow where only he wanted to go, wanting me to look attached to him, and wanting to use my money.

When we occasionally decided to make a dish together, we would split the ingredients we needed between the two of us. However, at the supermarket whenever he found one of the ingredients, he would often show me where it was and then point to it, ordering me to put it in my basket. These ingredients that he got me to pay for were always the more expensive ingredients. I always felt bad for him as he always cried about having no money so I just took the ingredients as he said and paid for it. Now I realise how sly that was.


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