68. Koblenz, Germany

In May 2016, Kevin apparently had a “wake up call”. After a big argument between us and me attempting to leave the relationship, it appeared to have triggered something in him. He went away to Koblenz, Germany for the weekend to think about everything and he claimed to have realised his actions. He described to me how he was wrong and how he had caused so much pain for me and all of his ex-girlfriends in so many ways. He said that this was the first time he had ever come to such a realisation. He told me he blamed his childhood. He always wanted toys and if he did not get what he wanted, he would create havoc until he got it. I still saw that in him at the time – both materialistically and emotionally. He said he lost his temper with all of his ex-girlfriends, scared them and that is why they all left him. He said that this realisation was very difficult for him. I actually believed that maybe he had finally come to realisation about his behaviour.

However, it only lasted a couple of weeks. After a couple of weeks, he was back to his old ways again. He had completely forgotten about Koblenz. I don’t even know if he actually went there. After a couple of weeks, he continued to yell at me, patronise me, criticise me, control me and continue with his rude Skype manners. He had never apologised ever. This was the first and only time. But it was not a real apology. It was all a huge act. I kept trying to remind him of Koblenz but it just did not register with him.

A couple of months later when I was in Anna and Michelle’s room apologising about the slapping incident (Chapter 29), he brought up how he had a wake up call and he claimed to have done his part of the work (which was absolute bullshit – he did fuck all). I questioned whether it was when he went to Koblenz, and his response was, “Oh yeah, and Koblenz too”. His lies were so inconsistent. He had said that he had only ever had one such wake up call which was Koblenz. And then while we were in Anna and Michelle’s room, he had completely forgotten about Koblenz but seemed to have remembered something else. It just goes to show how meaningless his words were. I doubt he even had a “wake up call”, otherwise he would have never had forgotten it. His mouth was nothing more than a pure shit hole.


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