71. Creating And Needing Drama

Kevin was a drama king. He needed drama in his life. He couldn’t live without drama. He would find whatever he could to create a scene (in private of course) and then twist it around to make it as if I were the one starting it.

After we had only been dating for two weeks, out of the blue, he accused me of being unaffectionate (Chapter 2), which was completely untrue. I believe he said that because he wanted me to show him my undying attachment to him. That way he would feel secure for when he would start to abuse me, he would not worry that I would leave him. I prefer to take relationships slowly and to just go with the flow. With Kevin, however, he pushed everything so quickly. Within the first 30 days, he was calling me his wife and himself my husband. It was far too quick for me but he came across as the extremely insecure type that anything I said that suggested my emotional independence from him would upset him so much. I became afraid to let him down and as a result, I went along with it. This has been a huge learning curve. I have learnt that if someone does not accept and respect your boundaries at the beginning of a relationship, then that already is a huge red flag. Nobody has any right to push or manipulate your boundaries. Always listen to yourself.

Basically, when I did not show him affection, he would create drama over it. Yet, when I did show him affection, he would still create drama because he would say that I was lying about my affections. Almost everything I have described in this journal portrays his needs for creating drama, often out of something very minor, and then projecting the blame back onto me for creating the drama. It’s like he wanted to cause problems – and he probably did just so that he could get a reaction out of me and then twist the blame back onto me. He got sick pleasure out of it.

He also always denied ever sweet talking saying that it was just not what he did. However, every time I tried to leave him, he would sweet talk me. He said the same about flirting and that he never flirts when in fact all relationships start off with some degree of flirting. Our relationship started off with flirting. When I said I did not want to go to Spain after he yelled at me and called me a “capricious, little girl”, he sweet talked me to go to Spain saying that we would have a wonderful life there. One time, after an argument, he tried sweet talking me and leaned in to give me a kiss. I was sitting on the bed and he was squatting on the floor. I did not want his kiss. I can’t remember what we were arguing over, but I remember that I was upset because he did not acknowledge what he had done. All I wanted was an apology. Instead, he twisted it around and projected his actions back onto me. So when he leaned in to give me a kiss, I pushed him away. I did not push him hard – I just did not want his grimy kiss – but I seemed to have pushed him hard enough for him to fall backwards onto his backside. I think he just lost his balance and fell backwards. But his reaction was really quite amazing. He looked at me with the look of “How could you?” and then ran out of my room crying like a little toddler. Such a drama king. At least I got him out of my room and luckily when I next saw him, he did not mention it again.

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