72. Before Vs. After I Met Him

I came to Belgium to start a new chapter of my life, completely carefree and happy. Before I met Kevin, I could go out and have fun. I could enjoy my life and interact with whoever I wanted to. I used to spend a lot of time with my male friends, and my partners in the past used to spend a lot of time with their female friends. There were no issues. We were open and honest with each other and we never controlled what each other did.

When I met Kevin, my social life disappeared. I became trapped. The first moment I realised that he was making me unhappy and draining the life out of me was the day he raged at me for the first time, one month into the relationship. I actually came to this realisation just before he raged at me on that day. It was his constant negative ambience that got me thinking. I was thinking, we all have our bad days but I cannot be with someone who constantly imposes his misery onto someone who is happy. It should be the other way round. Positive people should be imposing their happiness onto miserable people. We should comfort each other on our bad days and enjoy our good days. I had tried comforting him on his bad days all throughout the relationship but it never worked because I would end up paying the price whenever he blew up at me. And when I occasionally had my bad days, I never experienced any comfort from him; just more yelling about how I was always in the wrong and how everything was my fault. As for our good days, we hardly had any.

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