73. Materialism

On Kevin’s 35th birthday, one month into the relationship, I wrote him a birthday card saying how happy I was to have met him and how I wanted to be with him. I even used the “L” word. I felt like the purpose for writing this card was to reassure him of my feelings for him. I also said that I was sorry I did not get him a gift but that I would get him a belated gift. His reaction was very unpleasant and took me by surprise. He did not believe what I had written. He did not believe that I was happy to have met him or that I wanted to be with him. He was so insecure and it really confused me because he was always complaining, accusing me of not loving him and when I tried to show him love, he would accuse me of lying. I could never win. It’s like he wanted to cause problems – and he probably did. He also was not happy that I did not get him a gift. As the relationship progressed, I noticed that he was always asking me for gifts, which I actually find quite rude. And it really revealed his extremely materialistic side. What’s more important than gifts is love, but he did not care for love. He was not interested in the kiss nor the hug on his birthday. He was never interested in my kisses nor hugs ever! He would complain that I never showed him affection and when I did, it would either go unnoticed or he would push me away. He was only interested in the presents I gave him.

At Christmas and on his 36th birthday, he couldn’t wait to open the presents I got him. Since we weren’t going to be together on Christmas Day, I said he could open his present early, and without giving a second thought, he ripped open his present. For his 36th birthday, he kept asking if he could open it early but I said no. As soon as midnight struck on his birthday, he immediately ripped open his present. On both occasions, he gave his complete attention to his new toys, like a spoilt toddler. As soon as he opened his presents, I was completely ignored. I was unimportant. He did not even show me any gratitude.

He rarely gave me gifts, but I don’t need gifts anyway. So long as I’m loved, I’m happy. But he didn’t offer me that either. Each time he got a new toy from anyone, he would play with it for one day then throw it onto the floor and never touch it again. Even he himself was an impulsive buyer of gifts for himself, which may explain why he was always in a never-ending cycle of financial troubles. His floor was covered in clothes, food and abandoned toys. It just showed how much of a spoilt toddler he was. Always taking but rarely giving.

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