We all have our bad days and on these bad days we often need someone to talk to and even if they can’t do anything about it, we just need someone who will listen to us and be there for us. And often, this person is our partners. I often talked to Kevin when I had my bad days, but it was like talking to a brick wall. He did not seem to care. He had no empathy. He would either criticise me, blame me (regardless of whether or not the issue was my fault) or his mind would be completely elsewhere.
Whenever he raged at me, he would refer back to these moments when I thought I could confide in him about anything, and he would use whatever I had told him against me. He would these moments to support his claim that I was the one with the problem.
One example was when I told him about a bad experience I had with a couple of colleagues from a previous job. When I first told him about it, he showed some compassion. However, a few months later, he took everything I had told him to support his claim that I was the problem because not only was I always starting arguments with him, I also had a bad experience with a couple of other people in the past, so I must have been the problem. This was really painful because he did not understand what I had gone through with those people. He did not know them. He did not know the situation. Yet, he was able to make such cruel, cold, unempathetic remarks about something he knew nothing about that really affected me without considering how it made me feel. I told him these things because I thought he could be my confidant. A partner is supposed to be there for you to listen to you and care about how you feel. Yet he showed none of those traits. I realise that all this time, he was taking notes on all the imperfections in my life so that he could use them against me in the future.
When I was in Spain being cheated my salary by my employer, Claude, I was miserable the entire five months I was there. Both because of Claude and Kevin. I used to confide in Kevin whenever an incident happened with Claude, such as an unpleasant confrontation. Yet, whenever I confided in Kevin, he just did not care. It was hard to get him to care. It really frustrated me because I had moved to Spain because of him and I ended up in deep shit with a dishonest employer, but Kevin just did not care. He did not care that I had fallen into this mess because I had done something out of compassion for him. Every time I wanted to confide in Kevin over Skype, his mind was elsewhere – reading the news, online shopping, chatting to friends. Other times, he would turn the blame completely back onto me saying that I should not have stood up for myself and that by sticking up for myself, I was starting the argument (which I previously explained in Chapter 36). It was exactly what Kevin would say to me when I stood up for myself against him. He did not want me standing up against anyone because he was trying to mould me into a submissive person, which of course was for his convenience.