I never met Kevin’s family. However, he did speak about them and his childhood a lot, but always in a way that put him in the light of the victim. I always felt that he was trying to garner sympathy and attention. I don’t know how to describe it, but when people talk about tragic events, I can feel whether they are talking about these tragic events as they are or whether they are trying to attract sympathy and attention. I think many people can feel this but it is difficult to prove as there is no tangible evidence to support this.
Everything he told me about his family was through his mouth so I can never really know how much of it is actually true. But according to him, he was a stillborn baby who miraculously came back to life. The way he said it was as if he was God’s gift to Earth…! I don’t believe he was born stillborn. Stillborn babies coming to life is extremely rare and when it does happen, these cases are quite well known. He was just a desperate attention seeker. His parents apparently divorced when he was a child. He said that his mother was an alcoholic and often left him to go to different towns to work at different jobs. He also admitted that he was a very spoilt child. He told me that if he did not get a toy that he wanted, he would scream until his parents gave in and bought that toy for him. He told me this after he had come back from a difficult weekend of “thinking” in Koblenz (Chapter 68) on one of the occasions when I tried to leave him, so as a form of hoovering, he claimed to “realise” what he had done to me and all of his ex-girlfriends and he blamed his behaviour on the fact that he was a spoilt child. However, a couple of weeks later, he completely forgot about what he had said to me and was back to his old ways again.
He said he never had a close relationship with his parents and always blamed his mother for hurting his father yet his father had never stopped loving his mother. Now his father is in a retirement home with dementia and his mother died ten years ago. According to him, the police ruled his mother’s death as natural but he said he spent weeks investigating his mother’s death by himself and concluded that she died from food poisoning – but I don’t know how he could have come to that conclusion all by himself. He also said that he had discovered his mother’s body in the kitchen two weeks after she had died when he decided to come and visit her. I find it strange because he had previously said that he had cut contact with his mother.
He also had an older brother and an older sister and called them both crazy and accused them of everything he himself did such as being unreliable and not sticking to their words. He also said that his siblings abandoned their parents and that he was the only one looking after his father and paying his retirement home bills. But he said it in a way that always put him in the victim spotlight – as a victim with a huge heart. The focus was always on him, not his father. Kevin went back to France every three or four months to see his father but I have doubts that he was actually paying the bills. He often talked about how he was the only caring sibling in his family, but he never actually showed it. I tried to offer him words of encouragement as I had also watched my grandfather go through dementia when I was young but he kept accusing me of not being understanding and he even suggested that I go to France with him when he next visits his father to see the situation first hand (which never happened). However, it was the way he said it which was like he was not satisfied with the amount of sympathy I was showing him. I think he wanted me to cry for him. And whenever he was in France and I texted him to ask how his father was, he always made it sound so dramatic and continued to phish for sympathy.
His life was always a mess. There were always complications but these complications were so difficult to understand. Whenever I tried to help him solve his life problems, he would complicate things even further to the extent that it was impossible to understand his life problems. I believe this was deliberate as he did not want solutions for his “problems”. He was thriving off them. He was getting sympathy and attention and he did not want that to stop.