One thing I have discovered in my research about narcissists is how similar they are, right down to the comments they would make including telling their victims to stop bringing up the past whenever victims try to bring up issues with their behaviour. Hypocritically, narcissists are always bringing up the past whether it be about a past partner or their poor childhood, which in both cases, they portray themselves as the wounded victim.
This was exactly what Kevin did to me. It was so easy for him to tell me to forget about the past. Being in a relationship like this had left me traumatised. The scars don’t just disappear overnight. I had done so much for him which left me with financial and emotional consequences. Yet he had the guts to tell me to forget about the past after everything he had done to me. Hypocritically, despite him trying to silence me about bringing up the past to avoid talking about his unacceptable behaviour, he always brought up his past about his ex-girlfriends and his poor childhood in which he was the poor victim in both cases. I believe that he was not only trying to garner sympathy and attention, but he was also warning me about how not to behave. He was using this triangulation technique, particularly when he was describing how his ex-girlfriends were either crazy or how they had hurt him so much, to warn me what not to do.
Like I said, he was constantly talking about his past relationships, which I got sick of hearing. I found it pointless bringing up past relationships. I always believe that we feel the need to bring up past relationships only if we are still not over them. I told him this, yet he still managed to twist it around by saying that in fact, I was not over my past relationships because I did not like talking about them whereas he was over his past relationships because he could talk about them in the present. Ironically, he would tell me to focus on “us” and “the present” when he was the one unable to focus on “us” and “the present”. I reckon he did this for many reasons. The first was to silence me from talking about issues he did not want to hear. Second, he wanted me to focus on loving him whilst he could focus on triangulating and manipulating me using his past. He wanted attention for himself but he did not want to give attention to anyone else. He was all about taking but never giving. This made him feel superior. Third, he was using his past girlfriends to warn me about how not to behave. And fourth, I believe he was trying to make me jealous by constantly talking about his ex-girlfriends. He wanted to make me jealous so that his own jealous behaviour was excusable. And I’m certain that he wanted to get a jealous reaction out of me which he could then use against me.